When winning becomes paralyzing

Photo by Kolleen Gladden on Unsplash

I believe that if we would all learn to be a little more I-don’t-give-a-fuck-I-just-do-me, we could be a lot more successful. And happy. And fulfilled. And meaningful…

That’s what autonomy is to me: me doing me. Living life on my own terms. Showing up for others congruently and unapologetically, regardless of judgement, rejection and people not liking me (which doesn’t mean I don’t FEEL it, it just means I don’t let it rattle or paralyze me).

Most people aren’t that autonomous. Most people blindly follow the status quo, without questioning if it’s right for them. It’s paralyzing.

Not you of course ;-).

Unless you’re willing to have a close look at what you’re doing now…

Have you ever questioned why you do what you do?
  • Are you in this job, because YOU feel deeply connected to it, or because you went to uni, started working, got promoted and was expected to keep rising (because that’s what we do) and can’t change because the family relies on you?
  • Are you putting on that business suit because it’s sooo incredibly comfortable or because everyone does so in the industry?
  • Do you put on makeup because that fits the image of a successful business woman and because you believe you’re prettier with a layer of paint, or because you truly want to?
  • Are you in that warrior mindset because you believe fighting, competing and performing is the answer to making a difference, or because our whole world is in constant achievement-mode and you simply haven’t considered the alternative?

Listen… there’s nothing wrong with being inspired by the status quo. But the status quo has proven to push us over the edge too, and created a society in which many – MANY – do what others do.

Constant need to perform and achieve

There are so many people I know who’ve been through burnout, because the status quo tells them to keep pushing, performing, do better, be a warrior, be the BEST. These people are longing to be acknowledged and validated or are deeply conditioned to believe that ‘average is not good enough’, so they overstretch.

Tons of people either compete with (mostly men) or compare themselves with others (mostly women) constantly.

It’s friggin’ exhausting, if you ask me. I fall into the trap as well. Not that often, but it surely happens.

Everyone is trying to be the go-to expert, to be the authority in their field, to be a WINNER. And I see soooo many incredible people who feel PARALYZED because of it.

They keep playing small. They think they’re nowhere near ready to start showing themselves on social media.  They’re afraid of other people’s judgement or opinion when they speak their minds. They believe they won’t be taken seriously yet when they apply for that position.

Truth is… it’s not other people. It’s them. They’re the one holding back, because they haven’t mastered the skill of being autonomous yet. I call this being rebelicious.


“Being Rebelicious is not about being a loner, disconnected, stubborn or anarchistic; it’s about having the courage to show up for people you can help – raw, real and with a yummy twist of your own.”

What matters is not the competition; it’s the difference you make

When the winning mindset is about competing with others or comparing yourself to others, you’re forgetting to focus on the real reason we’re here: to help each other out.

You’re here because you’re great. You’re talented. You’re skilled. You’re YOU. And that’s sooo amazing!!

I do me, you do you. This is how we help each other. Instead of competing, we focus on adding value our own way. Instead of comparing, we celebrate each other’s uniqueness.

Whatever somebody else does, is none of your business and I strongly recommend you liberate yourself of the idea that you need to be the best.


You need to be your best version of you, yes. But not compared to anyone else.

So… what would help you to care less about what everyone else does?

Here’s a few tips to help you feel less paralyzed by the competition or comparison with others.

  • Connect with your heart. Feel love for those people that are struggling and tune into how you can help them.
  • Don’t consume too much content on social media; create your own and share your beliefs.
  • Forget about extensive benchmarks. You do you, you’re the only one who can do that your way.
  • Decide how you want to start your day, regardless of the habits of high-achievers who work-out at 5am and read a gazillion books before 7. Find a way to start your day that will get you into the right frame of mind.
  • If your work requires constant competition, do something FUN that’s the opposite in your free time. Something that doesn’t require a goal. Like dancing freely, walking in the forest, gardening.

In the end, if we manage to live autonomously, we can focus solely on delivering value in our own way, our own pace and on our own terms. By sharing that value and message unapologetically, the right people will be attracted to this – like I am super proud of my tribe of clients, all weirdos! It’s a lot easier to connect with your tribe if you do you.

Hope this inspires. Please share this with anyone who might need to hear this. And please reach out if I can help you overcome this self-sabotage and paralysis because of this one-sided mindset.

Much Love,

Michelle 🧡