Truth: I genuinely believe that I am successful in love. 😁🥰 (if there even is such a thing…)
I have been married and divorced twice. I have lived with a man for 6 years and we went our separate ways. Many romances ended after a short time together.
Did we fail?
All these ‘relationships’ were highly successful because we decided in time to liberate each other and find a new path. 🔥
Full disclosure, a year ago, right before my second husband and I split up, I still felt like I would fail if I left. “Two failed marriages… oh my.”
I now look back at what I promised him AND MYSELF during our wedding in Bali:
“I promise to always stay true to myself – regardless of the outcome.”
I kept my promise. 🥳
For me, that’s success in love.
🧡Success in love is choosing what’s right for me, instead of being afraid of being alone.
🧡Success in love is loving myself so much, that I won’t settle for a situation that broke my spirit.
🧡Success in love is being able to love somebody with all my being, knowing he’s not mine (or anyone’s possession for that matter).
🧡Success in love is genuinely accepting the other (and their BS), not projecting expectations onto them and allowing the other to be who they truly are.
🧡Success in love is accepting the incredible pain of letting go, and being grateful for the lesson rather than being bitter.
🧡Success in love is holding space for you in my heart, even when you’re not here physically.
🧡Success in love is knowing exactly when I feel a ‘no’ towards a long-term thing, AND still feeling a ‘yes’ to getting our groove on in the bedroom.
🧡Success in love is not just saying that “a significant other is here to add something, not fill the gap” – but truly living by it.
🧡And of course… it’s also staying together through sh*t, fuck-ups, disappointment, betrayal – because you consciously choose to love.
🙏🏼My loyalty is with ME. I am the one that keeps me safe, loved, whole. I LOVE love… yes. I even dare to say I have mastered the art of loving.
🥰But for me, the key factor has always been that – in the end, after many struggles, tears and anger – I have always gotten back to the one person that was always there: me.
So am I single? Well, I don’t identify with that label. I see myself as an autonomous individual who lives a joyful, love-full life with wonderful people in it – men, women, lovers, not lovers, and lots of undefined connections.
And yes, there might be a primary partner at some point. Or not. Again… who cares? I’m already successfully loved and connected.
❤️I love them. I love you. For who you are, not for the role you can play in my life as a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife or whatever. I love you dearly for you. Not because I expect you to take care of me, make me feel whole, seen or wanted. But for YOU. Even when I’m missing you terribly and desire you to be there for me. Even when I’m afraid of losing you. Even when I get angry for you not choosing my company over something stupid. I love you for you.
I don’t need you. Love is not about needing. Love is consciously connecting on a deep level without attachment to an outcome. (Which is fucking difficult, yes). Love is Loyalty to yourself first and foremost, because that means you CHOOSE instead of need the other person.
Start with YOU, dear soul. You’re enough.